Abandoned Works

Like any self-absorbed child, my first real truly plotted and written (by hand I might add) story starred myself and my friends from school as secret agents, saving the world from threats I'd shamelessly stolen from video games and TV shows and tried to pass off as original.

I wake up and go to school, interacting with my friends. Without explanation,  two out of the seven of us have supernatural abilities (super strength and turning a trading card into a monster, respectively) which is never brought up or used again. I think they were my two favourite friends? Again, without explanation, the Headmistress (she was not well-liked) turns into an Incredible Hulk-esque alter ego. When she jumps onto the roof, one of my friends does 'hacking' and causes all the electricity to go to the roof and electrocute her. I'm happy to report I at least recognised the ridiculousness of THAT if nothing else (the sentence in question is punctuated with 'somehow' every other word).

After defeating(?) the Headmistress we are immediately inducted into a secret spy agency, directly taken but renamed from the TV show 'Totally Spies'. This is the titular B.L.O.B.G.O. 

We're given gadgets and weapons and sent to stop an alien invasion. Said aliens are not even renamed 'Interns' from the video game 'Oddworld: Munch's Oddysee'. Much globe-trotting (Scotland, somewhere I assume was meant to be Mexico, Egypt, and Japan) ensues and the alien ship (literally the Great Pyramids from Egypt glued end to end) is destroyed. The main alien escapes.

Despite only ever writing roughly 3/4 of book one, there were an additional five books planned in the series. As I recall the approximate plots:

 - An armoured 'super-soldier' turns up and causes havoc. It's an evil adult version of myself from the future. I can't remember what causes this or if there's any talk of resolving it / paradoxes etc.

 - The sun is about to super-nova and then also become a black hole. Turns out it's being done by the aliens from book one. I think there may have been time-travel or an alien reset button involved here to save the day.

 - The evil adult me is back with an alien super-weapon / ship (see 'the Dredj' from movie 'Titan A.E'). I seem to recall karate (briefly studied for a few years at that age) resolved it.

 - On an alien world (not sure why / how we're there) the aliens from book one have developed six 'super-armour suits' (see the 'Psycho-Rangers arc' from 'Power Rangers in Space'). They're defeated one after the other.

 - On another alien world we've had our memories erased and work in some sort of alien factory. We get our memories back as the aliens from book one go back to earth and unleash literal demons from Hell to all but obliterate London. I think a certain 'demon king' was secretly behind everything in the series. They're defeated. The end.

(Spelling, grammar, and paragraph structure left as was for full authenticity, real names altered)

.... He cought up with them and saw they were out of the forest and had found a small village. They were walking through in when the bumped into a man. He had orange hair That stuck up everywere, he was not wearing a top or anything so his chest was exposed. He was waring a cilt and tap danceing shoes.

"Good blobs of B.L.o.b.g.O! What are you doing out hear at this time of night?" he said with a scottish acsent. "Are you S.C.O.t.t?" Joseph asked. 

"I, thats me name .... oh yes you must be the boys from B.l.o.b.g.o. b.o.s.s told me you'd come."

"Do we get the feild test from you?" Tommy asked.

"I," S.c.o.t.t answered.

"Do we have to arest a wimpy crimenal or something?" Neil asked. "oh no! nothing like that! ha ha!" "All you have to do is guess what my name stands for," S.C.o.t.t told them.

"Right so you spell it s - c - o - t - t?" Jamie asked

"I," he answered

"Can we folow you to find out stuff?" Dale 2 asked

"I," he answered. "When you figure it out meet me in THE SCOTTISH PUB," he continued

"But... but there are loads of scottish pubs in scottland!" Dale 1 gasped. "No, no I ment that!" he said point to a pub in front of them.

Above the door of the pub in silver it read "THE SCOTTISH PUB"

They turned to S.C.O.T.T but saw he had just vanished round a corner. They followed him to see he was already halfway up an oak tree. Joseph got out the a.n.t to check the tree "Its o.k," Joseph said 

So this was the first and last time I wrote a story based on an idea someone else suggested for me - that simply being: 'Letters rain from the sky and were written by dead people. Go from there, but make it ADULT.'

This was ground-breaking (for me) in that it's still the only thing of any great length I've written in first person. Oh but how is it 'adult'? Swearing. The protagonist is a grumpy elderly widower who internally swears basically every other sentence. There is also, in one or two spots, some gratuitous violence.

This one I actually finished, and paid for cover art, and had physical copies printed for close friends and family. This isn't the fluffy fantasy like Spirit Rider, this is grit, this is 'Stephen King'... was the message. Unfortunately, more than one person actually READ at least some of this. It was a talking point from several family members that I 'wrote that book with all the swearing.'

In hindsight, there's at least ten years between B.L.O.B.G.O and Letters From the Dead, so it's not embarrassingly, poorly written, but it is rough and so phenomenally something I don't care about or want to write in that way.

Elizabeth was dead - and George had come to terms with that. He thought he would never see her again. But then one morning, the village was encompassed by a mysterious cloud, and with the cloud came letters. Letters from the dead. As events take a murderous turn, the line between good and evil becomes blurred by desire. Everyone has something to gain, even George himself, if he is willing to pay the price...

(Censored accordingly)

I hated having to choose what to do next. It was ______ stupid really, but it was all pretty much down to me. I knew most of the people in the village and I knew they wouldn’t do a ________ thing. If I didn’t keep fighting, then no one would. Look at me, a real _______ hero.

Donald was in an awful state. He was shaking all over and my eye kept getting drawn to those monstrous, misshaped bloody burns. He needed help, and there was nothing I could do for him at the church.

With some difficulty I managed to half support Donald on my shoulder. He was pretty out of it, but still had sense enough to move his feet when I led the way. I’m old and it hurt, my shoulder ached like ______ and pain kept shooting down my left side. But I wasn’t going to stop. I’d told Donald to go and stop Thomas, and it got him injured. _________ was I going to stop!

Obviously I’m no ________, but I’m still not as strong as I used to be and it still took me a little while to get to the G.P. It was a small, squat little building near the centre of the village. People were milling around, but from what I saw, no one was in the waiting room. A couple of people I saw asked if Donald was ok.

“What does it _______ look like?” I’d bark back. Idiots. They should have guessed just from looking that he certainly wasn’t ok. That, and my shoulder was killing me.